Bad Credit

Optimus Rime had a rough and tumble childhood but he was reared by a loving mother who did everything she could to keep him away from the brutal criminality of the streets. She tried to teach her son to stick to the straight and narrow by telling him to “give hugs, not drugs.” Unfortunately Optimus was soon arrested for selling hugs to school children. It was in prison where Optimus met his future life partner, Dr. Cliff Mixtable. Optimus had trouble adjusting to prison time, especially since he was allergic to being stabbed with a shank. Dr. Cliff helped make Optimus’ stay a lot more bearable by giving him treatment, free of charge, until Optimus learned that Dr. Cliff wasn’t a real doctor and that there was no such thing as checking for butt cancer. According to Trivial Pursuit, Dr. Cliff’s time in prison was the basis for the character played by Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption because Dr. Cliff used to be black and very old. The movie was such a success that Morgan Freeman was nominated for a Academy Award, but he didn’t actually win the award until he eventually played a character based on the time when Dr. Cliff helped teach a horse how to box. Dr. Cliff and Optimus took their Hollywood money and bought musical instruments which they hoped to sell to Q-Pon and Dolla’ Bill who were their sand ski instructors. Q-Pon and Dolla’ Bill met each other through sandskiroommates.com and have been happily living and working and holding together ever since. Before moving in together Q-Pon and Dolla’ Bill actually grew up next door to each other, but had no idea as they were never allowed to go outside due to “Howard Hughes Disease”. Which is a disease that makes your mom sponge bath you and tell you ‘that your sick and need to be quarantined’. When Dolla’ Bill and Q-Pon met Dr. Cliff Mixtable and Optimus Rime they knew they’d hate each other but then like each other but then hate each other but then like each other about a week later and then once again hate each other a couple weeks later but in the end ultimately like each other until of course they hated each other again. The foursome met Mr. Mopoji while washing his airplane for extra cash. It’s hard to believe, but Mr. Mopoji was born out of his mother’s womb a fully grown man. It’s hard to believe because this is one of Mr. Mopoji many fantastic lies. So fantastic in fact that he’s won numerous awards, most of them were awards that he lied about but one of them was very real. He won that award for pretending to be the president, which he did so well that he got to meet the real President of the United States and a transfer of power was made and Mr. Mopoji became the nation’s very first woman president, which was another lie. It was lie so obvious that it could be pointed out by even the most severely retarded children. The foursome then found drumsticks in Mr. Mopoji’s airplane and asked him to join their band which they decided on forming at that moment. The rest is history. Really long and boring history like the kind you get from Mr. Jacobs in 4th Period AP Western Studies.